make me beautiful

he came to me amongst the alcoholic whispers of the night, when lashes flutter with thoughts unbridled. took my hand and lead me down a winding path to a dark garden. he turned to me delicately placing one soft kiss upon my lips. the look cast into my eyes was tender and though no words were spoken the moment seemed bittersweet and spoke to me of goodbyes -- no more.

as the inexorable passage of time continues its course I realize that I have less and less to say or more correctly less of what I can say. i've always wanted to embrace a certain mystery. i often think that I would happily give up my humanity in exchange for the secrets of the universe. maybe I still would, I don't know. there is a lot of uncertainty hovering about and rather than making me sad, it just makes me cold inside. the best word would be obdurate I think. well, I like it so ill use it. it also strikes me that happiness is something as contrived and redolent with artifice as the satan bunny or jesus claus. my vocabulary is sodomizing me.

"im not the kind of guy that enjoys one-night stands. it leaves me feeling very empty and cynical. its not even fun sexually. i need to feel something for the women and entertain the vain hope that it may lead to a relationship" - ben affleck

i want to be in love.