harmony - some people are just better at pretending

"this will be the year without fear, the year of finishing what i've begun.

i've always felt ill-prepared in everything i've done: friendships, school, jobs, relationships, projects, self-improvement, understanding the world around me. as a girl I made the unfortunate mistake of believing adults when they told me I was smart, and I glided by on that momentum for far too long, bewildered when it somehow failed me. i've ran from challenges that frightened me. i've weaseled my way out of obstacles i should have met head-on. i've deluded myself into believing what was convenient. i've been speechless around people I should have listened to. i've gotten lost in the moment, only to somehow believe that it was the bigger picture.

i'm sorry. that doesn't even begin to make it right. but i'm sorry.

i started last year, but this year it's official. after months of searching i've located my spine, and my clear vision of what I want, who I want to be, and how to get there. i realize so many past misdeeds are a cause long lost and I can't even try to atone for them, so I will leave them where they are, but I won't let them happen again either."


i sit here realizing that this year has been my year. certain fuckups are no reflection on the person ive become. i am not a bad person. i am living. my life is good.

"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."