wistful progression

the oft-repeated line in my life is "you don't know what you want", spoken by virtually anyone who has been made witness to my musings and motions for an extended (though a day would probably suffice) period of time. i do know what i want, but it keeps changing. i don't see why i ought to keep still when hardly anything presents itself as obvious. i'm often either underwhelmed or overstimulated; in transition or in limbo. there's no proper sense of pacing here, just patterns that exist but can't be mapped-- at least, not by me.

i want to create something spectacular, is all.